That was “Beneath the Remains,” from the Sepultera album of the same album. Never was the same after Max Cavalera left, but if you miss him he’s in three or four other bands like every other living metal guitarist.
It’s two in the morning in Derry, so that’s it for me tonight. I’m Emmanuelle Kant, signing off and handing over. Remember, keep the world turning no matter what starts burning!
***
Good evening, listeners! It’s six in the evening Pacific time and you’re listening to the Voice of GAEA. This is Rad Handle, broadcasting to you live from weird and rainy Seattle, and I’ll be keeping you company on the watchtower for the next six hours.
If you’re listening to me through the online stream, and I know most of you are, thanks for lending me your ear and all of us your talents. If you’re listening to me over shortwave, thank you for being a gentleperson and a scholar. And if you’re listening to me over AM, please don’t tell the FCC, and more importantly reach out to me personally with Sichuan recommendations. I’ve been here for three years and I still can’t find a mapo tofu that properly numbs my mouth.
I’m on the horn for VoIP calls through the usual channels, and the terrestrial hotline and request line are both now open at 206-447-1#97 and 1#98. Yes, that’s a pound in the number and while you’re helpfully not telling the FCC on me keep those naughty digits away from Pac Bell while you’re at it. Much love as always!
It looks like Emmanuelle Kant had a clean shift before me, which makes a full two days without a catastrophe. Let’s make it two and a quarter, shall we? But if you can’t wait because of something very big, very scary, and very strange, give me a call.
Keeping with a chill vibe, let’s start with some Orbital. Halcyon and on and on and on…
***
That was Propellerheads with “Spybreak” and this is Rad Handle as the voice of GAEA with you in the evening hours. Looks like there’s a little blip somewhere in Colorado, but it seems under control. Thank you, local listener, for being on-hand.
It’s already dark in the Pacific Northwest and it’s usually rainy there, too, but whatever the visibility if you’re walking around in nature make sure to watch where you step. A few listeners have been reporting more fairy circles in the Pacific Weird Triangle between Seattle, Portland, and Spokane.
Be careful, fairy circles are always pretty until one spirits you away to Tir na Nog, and those fair folk are very territorial. Oh, and be extra careful around Bend, Oregon. That’s ghost train country.
I’m feeling a bit on the nose, so here’s Heart’s cover of “The Battle of Evermore.”
***
That’s a “Tragedy’s a’ Comin'” by Primus, and let’s hope it isn’t. Remember, if you don’t like my tastes, you can always volunteer for a shift up on this watchtower and spin your own tracks.
Speaking of keeping watch, there might be a little bit of rumbling coming from the Colorado Springs. No reason to step on anyone’s toes yet, but if you’re familiar with anything Weird in that part of the Rockies, the hotline’s open.
Weather and traffic are next, but first here’s Fall Out Boy’s version of “We Didn’t Start This Fire.” Because I like it more than Billy Joel, and that’s why I’ve been banned from Long Island.
***
What you just heard was “Dead Man’s Party” by Oingo Boingo and I will die on the hill of that band being Danny Elfman’s best work next to the Simpsons theme.
Time for weather across the world. The jetstream is running normally and weather is as expected for most localities, though listeners in Japan should get their umbrellas because monsoon season could be kicking off early. There’s a vortex building up that could pour a lot of rain from eastern Honshu all the way up to the southern half of Hokkaido. Kyoto, Osaka, Sapporo, and one of Tokyo’s city shamans are battening down the hatches along the coast. Ryuji Godai’s on deck for this year’s cleansing of Aokigahara, though, so if you’re in the greater Tokyo metropolitan area including Chiba and Yokohama, make sure you know where your nearest shelters, shrines, and temples are.
As for traffic, there have been no incidents or disappearences on the Zero Line for the last ten days. Keep it up, world commuters! We’re still figuring out monitoring of the Backstreets, but, uh, they’re terrifying. Caveat driver!
I’m seeing a few lights on the switchboard, so I’ll give you some enrichment with Mori Calliope’s “Red,” the lo-fi mix, while I take calls.
***
I’m getting some news from seers out of the Rocky Mountains and whatever is happening under Amalgre Mountain is becoming large-scale dangerous. We have a couple listeners in the ranks already providing some semi-official support, but stay tuned to this station. It should be under control, but theoretical physicists, mathematicians, and superconsciousness travelers should get in touch. The switchboard is open at 206-447-1#97. Call and I’ll connect you to the people who need your expertise.
1#98 is still the request line, and we actually have one now! For Ray in Staten Island, this is Thomas Dolby with “She Blinded Me With Science.”
***
Sorry to interrupt Madonna, but I have more news from Colorado. One Dr. Polchin called in and he is spooked, and if you know him you know what that means. Something is happening under Amalgre Mountain and it needs to be fixed.
We’re at two lights and need anyone familiar with dimensional tunneling, whether it’s science or magic, and any experts in probability manipulation. Things are getting a bit out of hand and we have to pull some gremlins out of the dugout.
Here’s Eve 6 with “Think Twice.” I’ll be breaking in as more details come through. I’ll also be manning the hotline, so please call if you can give some assistance.
***
Attention all listeners. This is the Voice of GAEA, and we have a four-light situation occurring in El Paso County, Colorado, under Amalgre Mountain. People who will not be named have waited too long before asking for help, and we need skilled gremlins there right away.
Local wizards have set a location anchor and it is officially open if anyone can warp there. Coordiunates are 38.7914 North, 104.9939 East.
Security at the installation there has been told to stand down and a listener is already there serving as a liason with two boffins down below. We need more, especially anyone who can seal a big hole where there shouldn’t be one. You know how bad it is when they’re requesting assistance. It could be another Matchstick Incident. When you get there, show your card and get to work.
I’m at the switchboard and will keep you updated. Lines are open.
It’s a four-lighter, and that basically obligates me to play some R.E.M. So let’s kill the cliche. Here’s “What’s the Frequency, Kenneth?”
***
Hello again, listeners. That was a rough hour. Sorry to keep an album spinning, but you know why we’re listening and it isn’t just the music and banter.
The situation in Colorado has been resolved. A lot of people in suits and lab coats aren’t happy, but when you can’t stop a lab fire sometimes you have to pour on the AFFF and accept the losses. It’s better than the alternative.
As you can imagine, the installation that wasn’t there until we were called in will be downgraded to actually not being there in the next few weeks. Project Needlepoint won’t be declassified because it never happened, but that’s for the best. Now let’s hope they don’t try to do it again.
I’m coming up on time, so I’ll be kicking it over to Program Think in Taipei. Good work, everyone, and thank you.
No, seriously, thank you for listening, and for being a part of the Global Anti-Eschaton Alliance. This is Rad Handle, the Voice of GAEA, signing off. Remember, it’s not the end of the world.